Fools' Day

 

Locky is not a fool and knows how to enjoy a beach day and make that bath worth it!

 

ONE: The hitmanS

 

You get what you pay for.

 

This was what a Chinese Developer thought when he hired a hitman to kill his competitor because he was sued over a project dispute. At the price of 2 million Yuan (around $282,800), that should be enough to get a good quality hitman, or so he thought, and got Hitman 1.

 

Hitman 1 happily took the job, and with his impeccable business instinct, he hired Hitman 2. Why should he do the job if he could hire others for half the price and get the work done without getting his hands dirty? He was a genius! However, the idea was not exclusive. Gone were the days when we saw the John-Wick-alike kind of hitman; they all turned into entrepreneurs! So, Hitman 2 hired Hitman 3 with even less price, Hitman 3 hired Hitman 4, and Hitman 4 hired Hitman 5. That was a synchronization of teamwork we had never seen before. However, once it got to Hitman 5, the amount of money was not lucrative anymore; it was also quite insufficient to hire another tier of hitman. With that in mind, Hitman 5 let the murder target know about the plan. They staged a murder, and all the hitman wannabes and the mastermind were caught.

 

 

TWO: The elusive escapee

 

Speaking about cool movie characters (Yes, I like John Wick. I believe anyone who loves dogs like John Wick), there was a time when police in the Irish Republic faced the challenge of a serial traffic offender. This guy was so skillful he evaded tons of traffic violations by giving the authorities a different address every time, continued to break the traffic law, and always escaped the consequences. We are talking about fifty of them. Fifty! And I can't even win one game of hide and seek with my dog.

 

The police scratched their heads and were convinced they were dealing with a mastermind, 'The Fine Evader,' 'The Road Flash,' and 'The Asphalt Avenger' were the allocated supervillain names—by me. So, who was this traffic offender that had reached the legendary and cult level among the Irish traffic police?

 

Spoiler alert: his name was Prawo Jazdy. And who is this Prawo Jazdy? Prawo Jadzy is actually not a person but a Polish term for a driving license. Polish people were, and I believe still are, one of Ireland's most significant immigrant populations. So, there were over fifty times when the police wrote down the first line they saw on these offenders' driving licenses instead of their actual names, which led to the hunt for this mythical escapee.

 

For those who like to watch and read weird random things on the internet, you might have heard those stories before. For those who haven't, both are legit, they really happened and are out there in the news. Both stories amused me and made me laugh out loud in the middle of the night.

 

Happy April Fools' Day.

 

I don't do pranks, and I am not a recipient of pranks from random acquaintances. I have that kind of face that my schoolmates and colleagues think twice before they pull one on me. I hope! There are times I make exceptions for people I am close with, but we don't do those annoying elaborate pranks, just harmless, endearing ones, and they are not confined to April Fools. One of the most memorable pranks I got was the incident I called 'ball-less mouse,' No, we didn't catch the mouse and castrate it. Gen X-ers would understand that computer mouse/mice (?) used to have balls. The balls were removable for cleaning because they could get sticky over time, but no ball or cursor! I realize it's impossible to talk about balls without them sounding like innuendos. One morning, I almost pulled my hair out because I couldn't find the cursor. I am not a patient person when things break. Growing frustrated, I moved the mouse frantically with a little bit of slamming, but it still didn't work. It went on repeatedly until I heard an eruption of laughter. Someone had stolen my mouse's ball.

 

BOOK REVIEW: LIght My Pyre (Kat Kinney)

 

The good thing about fantasy is that the imagination can be limitless. I believe I had watched some old Asian movie about dragon shapeshifters, but I certainly had never read a book about it.

The book follows the journey of Asher (a firefighter; this is not as close as Bookman as a librarian in Seinfeld, and definitely not better than a real-life firefighter, Lieutenant Les McBurney, but good enough) facing the challenge of a serial arsonist who seems to have something against him. He moves to a new place to escape from a traumatic event and meets a girl, a dragon shapeshifter, on the run of her own problems.

There are a lot of creativities in this book, but there are many times when I was distracted by 'witty comments' uttered by the characters. Some of them feel inappropriate to the situations and take me out of the moments, especially serious and sad scenes. They also blur the characters' distinctiveness. I have met many different people in my life, and trust me, not many are quote machines; some even laughed at my jokes on Monday after I told them the previous Wednesday. They are creative and funny but can become too excessive and tiresome for the above reasons.

I like the twists that make the book not very predictable and the greyness of the characters with their backstories. The ending is a bit draggy, but overall, this is a good read for those who enjoy fantasy. It's not my genre. I like GRRM books, but I categorize them more as realistic 'fantasy' (I know, it has dragons and zombies, but they lean heavily on stories, characters, social politics and the parallels to reality) than mythical ones. Over time, I have come to appreciate the fantasy genre and the amazing world of imagination that comes with it.

4.5 rounded up.

The Silent Day

 

Do you remember the time when you tried to eat chips in the office but didn't want to share? Or when you wanted to fart and dropped a book to conceal the sound, but because of poor timing, you dropped the book, the whole class went silent, looked at you, and then you farted? Neither do I. It didn't happen to me. I swear.

But today, I try to be as quiet as possible. If you have watched a movie titled The Quiet Place that tells a story about monsters that attack sound (and everything attached to it), yeah, I wouldn't make it a day. I'm only talkative to certain people. I am not social, but I am clumsy and do everything with passion. Cling, clang, cling, clang.

Why today? I write this on March 11, the day Bali observes Silent Day (Nyepi). It occurs once a year and is the biggest day in Balinese culture.

Today is a reflection day when you are supposed to introspect yourself in silence. No sound, fire, lights, not going out but staying at home. This applies to everything and everyone; even the airport is closed. I can't think of a day when an airport is closed anywhere else except for emergencies.

We tried to experience Nyepi some years ago by staying in a hotel. At that time, it was our first year spending Nyepi in Bali, and we were worried it would be hard for us to be at home. Rumor has it that they shut down electricity. So, we looked for an affordable hotel that had a special Nyepi package, which provided meals and lodging at a reasonable price. As for now, I have experienced Nyepi many times and never encountered an electricity shutdown, so that could be a baseless rumor. However, I went through an internet shutdown a few years ago. They haven't done that for three years; I guess the internet has become such a necessity in life, important for emergencies, and great to have for those who go along with Nyepi without related culture and religion.

For everything else, the rule is strict for everyone, and there are traditional Balinese civilian officers (We call them Pencalang; I have no idea what the term is in English, but they exist in the neighborhood to ensure peace and safety). Not sure about other clusters, but in mine, I have only great experience with them; they are always ready to help and do their jobs well. These Pencalang all over the island go around to ensure that no one is out there or making unnecessary noises. If you have special needs, emergency, and noisy babies, you can inform them, and there will be exceptions given.

We were lucky to stay in a hotel with a rooftop a few years ago and experienced the night sky with dark surroundings. My favorite time when I climbed the mountains was at night or dawn during the scale to the summit, especially those non-commercialized mountains with hardly any other climbers. I loved that serenity and peace when surrounded by total darkness that my eyes would adjust to or showered in the silvery glitter of the moon. It was the best time to look at the stars, far away from light pollution. It always gave me feelings I couldn't explain, making me return for more, regardless of how agonizing the journey to the peak was. Looking at the stars during Nyepi was a very good substitute, as everyone tried to be respectful and quiet, with no one fiddling with their phones, and were just there, enjoying the night sky and the peace.

While it's not for everyone, it is certainly one of the unique experiences and traditions the Balinese preserve, and I hope they continue to do so. Although there are some 'outlaws,' most visitors or non-natives respect this unusual tradition; as the saying goes, 'when you visit a place, you respect its culture.' I don't remember the exact words, but it's something along that line. It's on a bigger scale than what most are taught since childhood: 'When you visit a house, respect its host.' I think it's basic, common sense, although it seems like common sense is not that common anymore when you read the news nowadays.

Find more story like this in My Newsletter, I promise there are gibberish there, and for more gibberish you can check My Website

Thank you!

Redemption (Dave Saari)

 

For the mystery, this book has a decent case. It starts strong and intriguing with a kidnapping and ransom case of a wealthy man's wife. He then fades into the background as we learn that the said wife had been murdered, allegedly wrongfully convicted and has been sitting in prison for five years until a good friend of his hires a private investigator to relook into the case.

The private investigators called FYI are the main characters: husband and wife, Trey and Sybil, and Trey's mother, Madeleine. They are rich people who take up cases for fun as they don't need the money if they believe their clients are innocent.

I want to like this book. I really do. I like murder mysteries and detective stories, but these characters, their interactions and relationships are too unrealistic to me. In my opinion, they are very objectified, and if we take out everything sexually related, there is almost nothing left. They are unrelatable, and I don't root for them at all. Here are the examples. As an ex-FBI officer, Sybil approaches, and borderline harasses their suspect carelessly. Both of them got away with it the first time, but when she acts alone, with her husband waiting and watching, she is assaulted, slapped, groped, and harassed, complete with torn clothes with buttons flying off and everything in the daylight. That should be serious, shouldn't it? But nothing comes out of it. There are no reactions from them other than some casual remarks, and they move on to discuss a dress now that her clothes are torn as if that is Tuesday.

And the dress, sigh, so these two buy a flirty dress from a consignment shop because it reminds the husband, Trey, about their hotel receptionist, whom he flirts with openly and apparently lusts for him based on a few interactions. So, Sybil, the wife, agrees to wear it to fulfil his fantasy even though she is uncomfortable and protesting multiple times. Fortunately, it seems like she finally feels okay, and they both enjoy fooling around in it, but then she decides she doesn't like it, and then they gift it to the receptionist, Nicole, the one the husband lusts for, because she helps them with the investigation. This girl apparently expects a threesome invitation when they invite her to their room. They didn't, but still, she was delighted to get this third or whatever hand slutty dress. (I have nothing against reduce, reuse, recycle (because that is the justification), but I really don't think it's a norm to give people a used slutty dress and loudly state you give it away because you hate it, as a thank you). To top it all, she gets so excited and flustered that Nicole leaves with the new dress and forgets her bra. I don't know, but normal people don't forget undergarments, especially when they arrive wearing them. That is not all. Sybil then confiscates the bra and wears it like her own. What is happening here?

Another example is Madeleine, Trey's mother, who, in order to get the information she needs for the case, opts for performing for a man. Having a sexual encounter with her female partner while the man watches. Of course, he promises not to take pictures or videos and to leave the information if he is happy with the show. Of course. Please remember these are professional, super-wealthy investigators with money, qualifications, and reputations. Madeleine is a tech wizard; that's what I know because it is mentioned more than I see her in action.

I don't have triggers, and I'm really not against mature scenes. One or two are useful to the plot and characters, but others are very distracting and absurd.

The villain is supposed to be the charming genius and psychotic, and there is a potential redeeming ending, but the book doesn't have enough of it or more scenes about why and how this person is a chameleon and mastermind because there is almost no actual interaction that conveys his charm, a missed opportunity because I would certainly root for the villain instead.

This is my personal opinion, and books are very subjective. What doesn't work for me might work for others. I think the author writes a good murder mystery and I like the style of flashbacks as we reveal the case.

3 used flirty dress out of 5 consignment shops

Flit (Ed Morawski)

 

Since I was a young adult, I have been dreaming about teleportation. Staying away from my loved ones, it's always a delicate balance to be with them, be in a place with the job, and be in places that are good for my mental well-being. I do not intend to be greedy outside of personal use and am very good at keeping secrets. Because of this wish, I think about this a lot, albeit always briefly, about how having this kind of device would impact my life and others if it's finally realized one day.

So, I am happy to read this book, especially when it explores the origin.

I was worried that the book would be a lump of narration and information in the beginning because we were barely introduced to any character. It has its purpose because it's just an introduction to the beginning. Twenty years later, there are multiple characters and storylines.

The premise.

I love the concept of this book; as told, I want to know what would happen if this thing became a reality. Every ordinary person thinks about all these scenarios daily, no? At least I have this book. Although I have nitpicks (more on that later), I admire the author's knowledge about a lot of things and read in amazement as he brings me through the science, jurisdiction system, business, banking, and the future.

 

The characters.

I love to root and feel for characters when I read books, and I root for none of the characters in this one. The primary and more prominent characters are decently created, but I can relate to none. The most down-to-earth, realistic, and ordinary characters are introduced in snippets just to put a name for how the device impacts them. However, it works for this book, and I think there is a decent balance between hard and soft science fiction. This would make a good movie with the montage of ordinary characters among the craziest things that ever happened to humanity. I wish Beach, Joe, and Irina would be less one-dimensional, but who cares? I have a four-second trip to make.

 

The pace.

The pace is great, although some timelines seem impossible for me, who worked in corporate deadlines many times before, especially in those sectors that rely on many things, including supplies and utility. But no part of the book is boring to me. It keeps me interested.

 

The style.

The book is a 'documentary.' I think it's creative and has many things that would make a great movie. But more on the nitpick.

 

Now, the nitpicks that sadly have knocked one star from me.

-       I am a nerd. I like to read about theories, calculations, details, and analysis (whether I understand them or not is another matter), and this book has many of them. It's all great, but something very simple caught my eye. It's a nitpick, of course, for something that takes only half a page, but hear me out. Emily, one of the minor characters, owns a boutique, and for some reason, the author details how the business has been doing well by including some simple calculations. With a rent of $28,000 a month, the company would break even if it could rake $1,000 a day, which makes it $30,000 a month. It is simple, but in the previous scene, it was mentioned that it is located in a very prime area with three full-time salespeople, even though they also work on a commission basis. Based on my knowledge, there is no way $2,000 a month would cover other expenses. Salaries, utilities, business trips, expenses, taxes, interior, packaging, transport, marketing, and bonuses are the basics. There is just no way the number would work. If there is a higher number, or best, not to mention them at all outside the general idea. It's a tiny thing; however, it makes me wary a bit. What about all those impressive calculations and details that I don't have any knowledge about? Don't get me wrong, it wouldn't impact my reading enjoyment, but it would make me less confident.

 

-       The aftermath

It's great that I get to read about the impact on the world. The author has a lot of insights into things that I have yet to consider, and it's really awesome to read them. While there are mentions of some negative impacts that spark a very tiny idea of reverting to the old transportation method, everything goes very smoothly regarding long-term technology impact, not social rejection (the riot).

It says a lot about the better environment, while in my head, it is the other way around. I was an avid traveler and sought remote areas: unpopular islands, underwater, and mountaintops. The best factors for all these are the destinations, the views, nature, and cultures. On the other hand the most disturbed factors by this device are the tranquility, exclusiveness, and the journey. All these would be gone (and that's why I decided unselfishly that this device is not ready to be introduced to the mass population ha). Every corner of my beloved destinations would be flocked with these annoying tourists and influencers. There would be no more peace. And who are the most disruptive and destructive visitors? Tourists and influencers. The beautiful marigold field would be flattened to the ground, and the unique mountaintop outcropping would collapse from the weight of people pretending to do yoga there. While we finally would be able to retrieve Green Boots from Everest, it would be a disaster up there with some wealthy housewife trying to do gender reveals. I feel stressed typing this.

Sadly, the journeys would no longer be possible without alternative methods. Part of the satisfaction of these destinations is the journeys.

 

The other most important factors are animals and plants. People want to see wildlife up close and bring souvenirs; the consequences would be unimaginable. Endemic animals and plants, with their natural reasons and causes, would no longer be protected. Wallace's line exists for a reason.

Of course, there could be solutions, but I am just a bit disappointed that these very glaring negative impacts (to me) are not mentioned, combined with the population rise. (I have read somewhere that the lack of need to do other things and the plentiful of time will result in the increase of baby-making activities)

 

-       I am not sure why there is a need for a 'Post Release Update.' Imo, it totally throws everything else away. It doesn't go with the documentary style as this is supposed to be the private life of someone who is mentioned repeatedly as very reserved. The tone is also very different from the rest of the book, and it kind of ruins the consistency of the characters. I'm really not sure why this is included. Imho; it would make a much better book without.

 

-       The missing importance. The disappearing, the original scientists, and the alternate universe need to be fleshed out more. Those should be very important and alarming, or it would be interesting to learn about more than a few sentences. What about blackouts in between travels? Not all countries in the world have the same stability or capacity; blackouts happen often in some. Most less developed areas don’t even have internet connections. It would also be interesting to think about how vulnerable the system is to cyber-attacks and unauthorized imitations. Everything can be imitated, especially when they have the prototype.

4 out of 5 stars

The Classic (Race) Car

 

Locky has an itchy fit after I picked him up from his original grandma (a boarding perk I got from his original family when I adopted him. He has a second home whenever I am away). Besides medication and antiseptic soap, the vet suggested that he put on a cone or a shirt to prevent him from scratching. Here he is unhappy with the fashion choice, and that is my best T-shirt!

 But he got comfortable after I fastened it and slept well into the morning. On the way to beautiful, itch-free skin!

During my previous work, I passed this neighborhood road daily around the same time. I would see the same kiosks, the same people sweeping their yards, the same dog lounging under the afternoon sun, the same rubbish on the roadside, the same undies on the same cloth lines; yeah, I made the last two up.

Anyway, one day, there was a classic car on one of the roadsides (Classic, as far as my car’s knowledge allows me, I know almost nothing about them!). It was a pale blue, older model with a squarish look. Not Volkswagen, Cadillac, or Mustang; it looked sporty enough with Mustang’s style. Two youngsters, most probably less than twenty years old, were attending to it. They were busy cleaning, scrubbing, and tinkering every time I passed by.

I paid attention to everything unusual, interesting, or something regular. I also needed to slow down because sometimes there were stuff or tools scattered around. But one thing was for sure: they were very into whatever they were working on. It was not clear on week one, but on week two, they moved to focus on the area around the wheels, and it became obvious that they were trying to lower the chassis by the time they entered week three.

Please don’t ask me; I still don’t understand why some folks think cars with low body clearance from the road are cool and great. To put it simply, the less space it has between the chassis and the road, the better. I assume it feels different when you drive it; most probably, it feels like a racing car. I prefer to be as high as I can because I need to see what is going on in front of me. So, it’s not for me, but I understand that it’s a passion for some. It’s probably cool to look at as well for them, and it’s some achievement to obtain or modify a car that way. Here, there are no clear rules for modifications, or maybe there are, but after seeing all sorts of weird things on the street, they are probably very lax.

I enjoyed looking at how passionate these two were; they looked content and did a decent job on the car. Sometimes, there were one or two onlookers who helped them or just chatted on a small makeshift wooden pavilion nearby. All in all, it was a quality afternoon time for them. The car got lower and lower until it was around or less than 5 centimeters or two inches from the ground, and they wrapped the work.

However, there was one biggest flaw that they didn’t consider. It was very obvious, but maybe they focused on the process, and as a result, they forgot about one thing: Bali’s roads.

Bali has every imaginable road: the smooth ones, the jagged ones, the ones with plot holes, the ones with swimming pools, the ones with trees planted on the sides (not on planters or islands or curbs, on the roads!), the dirt roads, the ones with steep inhumane gradient that you clench butt cheeks when you go up and see your life flash before your eyes when you go down, the ones that lead to nowhere, and the ones with obnoxious manholes and humps.

Some manhole covers are fitted so haphazardly that they are much higher than the road. Humps, there are no standards here; sometimes they are reasonable with good angles, sometimes they are invisible (not painted), sometimes they are designed to make you fly or grant you a visit to the mechanics. There is one key here; all of them are higher than 5 centimeters.

Some assholes think it’s okay to speed on the neighborhood roads, so there are a lot of humps to prevent that, including, wait for it, humps in front and behind where this car was located, which was less than fifty meters in each direction. They were not painted, but a regular would know them by heart. I assume they tried to test the car for a ride when reality dawned on them because after the car was finished, it was only abandoned on the roadside for months until, one day, it was gone.

It was a pity. This post should stop here, but of course, like many insufferable writers, I try to draw a parallel in life. There is a good possibility that the way ahead and around us are not as obvious as when they are viewed from afar or by others. We get so accustomed to the conditions and surroundings that we can’t see the glaring, unbeatable obstacles, or we can see them but choose to ignore them because we enjoy what we are doing. I think it happens to me more than I am willing to admit.

Have a great day, everyone. Sometimes, I wish I was born on leap day because I hate celebrating birthdays, but that is the story for another day.

 

It's Not Too Late for April 14 Valentine Day

 

We still did manual drawings in uni, no computer, all hand drawn on humongous papers. I didn't have a drawing table, but fortunately, I could use the communal ones on my campus, which also meant I spent days and nights there preparing my final presentation each semester with a bunch of other classmates who also didn't have drawing tables or those who preferred companions during those sleepless nights. The schedule got crazier the closer we were to graduation.

It was miserable yet memorable; we haunted the campus when everyone was sleeping. A musical-talented classmate brought a drum set, and every time he was on the brink of the lullaby, he would start playing it like a zombie, hands moving, head shaking dramatically, eyes closed. Mumbling sounds of cassette tapes in terrible conditions were heard from one corner, playing the same songs over and over again. I remember trying to pry my eyes open to the tune of I Will Survive by Cake. Some fell asleep on common tables (because it would be a disaster to sleep on the drawing and ruin it!), some on uncomfortable benches, and some on the floor. They covered it with drawing paper; desperate times called for desperate measures. In the morning, freshly arrived rich classmates with their fancy private tables at home, junior students, and lecturers could catch us with pillow hairs and puffy faces in our pajamas. Some 'residents' would drag their feet to the bathroom, holding a small bucket filled with toiletries and towel draped over their shoulders. I was lucky to stay in a nearby hostel, so I didn't have to rely on university's facilities.

My hostel consisted of students from different faculties and majors; I had no one from the same major except one good friend. It was quite rare for others to have long study nights. Still, they were well aware of our 'hellish' time of the year since they would see us with panda eyes, carrying rolls of papers or a bag full of stationery, dragging our feet and limping to one side because we sat too long, and mumbling, "Brainnnnnsssss..." There were two Korean students (rarity!) in my hostel at that time, Kim and Lee, who were in the uni studying our language. We had developed friendships with them since my friend and I usually hung around the common area to do homework together (other subjects, yes, our major was hellish!). Sometimes, they asked us to help with their assignments, but most times, they just wanted to converse to familiarize themselves with the language.

Back to miserable nights on campus, while the sleepiest time was usually around 2 am, the hours leading to midnight were the time when the stomach started to rebel and demand sacrifice. Food from street vendors outside was the best for the odd timing. However, we didn't always have time or the budget to go out, especially for prolonged periods of late nights. Most times, we had to settle with 'almost there' instant noodles cooked with 'almost hot' water from our 'almost proper' budget kettles. Those kettles were very questionable because I was electrocuted once, but that is a story for another day.

One night, April 14, 1999 (if I remember correctly), Kim and Lee showed up at our studio. I didn't even know how they navigated the area since there were six other majors/main clusters in our faculty, but at least they knew where our faculty was. And with them, luxurious Korean noodles with some other delicious Korean snacks. Everything was a luxury compared to limp noodles. They brought enough for them and us, so with the envy of other zombies, we feasted, and they regaled us with a tale.

I don't know if this story is culturally accurate, but at least this was what they told us. Also, a disclaimer: we communicated in broken languages from both sides.

In Korea, females give chocolate to males on Valentine's Day. However, it doesn't stop there; the males then return the favor with white chocolate on March 14. I believe that is why it's called White Day. Then, on April 14, which is regarded as Black Day, for anyone who doesn't get anything, it is an 'obligation' to eat this specific Korean noodle, thick with generous black gravy, and I won't attempt to spell the name. It was a mess, and only after we had eaten the noodle, they told us the story. I was unsure if eating the noodles was some kind of F you or punishment, but it was done in good humor; at least, that was the impression I got from Kim and Lee. They happily told us they didn't want to suffer alone since it was supposed to be fun humiliation. All of us shared big laughs with our charming blackened teeth.

April 14 is an anti-Valentine Day, so if February 14 or March 14 are not your days, this is the Black Day granted to you.

Enjoy the delicious Korean black noodles while drowning in your tears or indulging in your freedom!

 

Note: In my university, there were many faculties with their specific study, like economics, engineering, social politics, etc. Each faculty had its own area, and some, like mine, had various majors under its umbrella, and each major had its own cluster of buildings and public space. It was a huge university and almost always deserted at night except for some occasional stupid student meetings; it was pretty dark with many haunted tales and an actual murder during my time, but those are stories for another day. Ha! There was a small 'village' near my faculty that accommodated hostels and small-budget diners for students who stayed away from home. Many of them operated until midnight.