June is Male Mental Health Awareness Month, and Father’s Day
also falls in June in many parts of the world.
Around 2002, I worked as a junior staff member in this big
company, with multiple departments on multiple floors. My department (around a dozen
people) was located next to another (around four-five dozen). The workflow
sequence was from ours to theirs. I don’t need to liaise with them in
Department 2 since I only did technical presentation work exclusive to
Department 1. Still, I know their faces and sometimes their names because we
shared communal facilities, and there were some team-building activities now
and then.
I had a small lunch group of around five people or less.
Sometimes, one or two people from Department 2 would join us, but it was rare.
I didn’t really enjoy lunch for personal reasons (story for another day) and
because working-hour lunch was hellish. Everywhere was jampacked, it was always
rushed, it was harder to secure a table for a group, and before you finished
half of your food, other patrons would stand behind you to wait for your seats.
I don’t exaggerate this; it’s still happening now. So, the food court was a
nightmare, but that was what most of us could afford.
One day, this middle-aged guy from 2 invited us for lunch in
a more private restaurant. He had ‘booked’ us the day before. I knew him only
from passing interactions as a nice, hardworking, quiet, respected, and polite
guy. Sometimes, we exchanged small talk in the pantry, but I never had lunch
with him. I wasn’t sure; it was only my first year, and most likely, one or two
guys in my group had. Anyway, it was nice to have a peaceful meal once in a
while, sitting in a comfortable restaurant without needing to rush. I didn’t
know he could be very social and chatty; he was friendly and seemed happy to
know us better.
The day after, he jumped to his death from his high-rise
apartment.
He was a father of two, and no one, not even people who were
so-called close to him, expected that. Twenty-two years now, it still makes me
sad to think about how nobody knew what he was going through. I still don’t
know why, and out of respect, I didn’t go around and ask. Most people just
speculated, and it became a blurred line between reality and assumption.
I don’t need anyone to scream at me about depression doesn’t
recognize gender etc. While it’s true, it’s also true that many men decide to
face it themselves because they feel they can’t talk about it without
prejudice. Sometimes, it’s a stigma, sometimes, they don’t think they have good
support around them, and sometimes, they actually don’t have anyone to help
them. Although the roles have shifted, most responsible men hold big burdens on
their shoulders about what they should be in the family and society and work
hard to be the pillar for everyone. It’s very tough, and I really respect them
for that. I could only wish that everyone else could also be the pillar for
them when they need it.
I want to share this video; it always gets me every time I
watch it.
