Dream Job Rant

 

Have you ever liked a quote and then realized it's not the best advice? (I know, quotes are not advices)

I used to like ''Do what you love, and you will never work another day in your life.'' While it sounds great, it's the fastest way to ruin what you love.

I love animals, so naturally, living in an urban jungle back then, I thought my dream job was working in the zoo. It was a world-class zoo with a sparkling reputation. I was fortunate to get a job there with little experience back then, although my skill was somewhat related. I wasn't involved directly with the animals, but it opened up my chance to interact with them. I could walk around the zoo, being paid for that, enjoy the green environment, and look at the animals any day. It was also a private jogging space for staff every morning, which no one else took up but me. Knowing the right people allowed me to cuddle with baby otters, lions, and tigers, looked at the back of the house, and learned many things about them. It was great.

However, working in the field you love also means learning about the industry secrets. There were many things I would rather not know, and there were utterly heartbreaking things. Just like everything else, there are always factors like business, greediness, unethical practices, reputation masks, incompetence, and ignorance, to name a few. I didn't work with only one company, but more than one zoo in more than one country, so I'm quite certain those factors are exclusive to one place. There are things that I still love, but there are reasons why I quit.

Same thing with writing. I thought the concept was simple enough, even though I knew there would be tremendous challenges. We write, then try to find readers. It's not easy, but it should be straightforward, right? It's like a direct line from producer to consumer regarding self-publishing. Traditional publishing is slightly different, and I'm happy for those who have the chance to try it in places that provide many opportunities to do so. I wish I had those chances, too.

I didn't know that the writing world is also filled with opportunists who prey on struggling independent authors. I mean, we are the smallest of the small fish! One of our biggest challenges is marketing, which is a fertile ground for scammers or those with questionable motivations. Hybrid and vanity publishers; there are legit ones, but there are many scammers behind those companies, too. I didn't sign up with any because I couldn't afford them, but I remember how much I wanted to, thinking they would help me tremendously with their services. But yeah, as I learned by reading about others' experiences, you need to fork out tons of money without getting much help back in return or any at all. Some authors ended up doing everything else by themselves.

And then there are review scammers; they mostly prey on authors who advertise their particulars through websites like Goodreads requesting reviews, and from what I heard, the books are then misused. There are advertisers and advertiser consultants. I tried this because they seem very legit, and maybe they are, because I did get some knowledge from classes they conduct about other things. The advertising itself, nah. I am too skeptical now with things that require advertisers to pay by click because there are people who are hired or bots to do the clicks. My ads got clicks, and I had to pay for those, but I believe only a small percentage of them were genuine, and none of them resulted in anything.

Then there are harassers. I am still trying to understand the motives behind the all-caps questions on the author's profiles. Many in my Goodreads group experienced this; fortunately, we could compare notes. But imagine if one didn't have a clue and read those posts, thinking they are personalized; they can easily crush your spirit because the contents are horrible. The harassers could be bots or some nasty, imbecile squirrels with nothing better to do (nothing against squirrels). They come from multiple accounts, all set in private, without any history of doing anything relevant to Goodreads or anything at all. No books, no reviews, private profiles; they exist mainly for this purpose, and they respawn. What are the things they write? They are so mind-boggling, especially if you don't know what they are and think the messages are directed at you, from calling you a flat wallet writer that is too poor to exist, forcing you to pay them to get their reviews or else, saying your work sucks, threatening about ruining your life, cursing you and your family to go and die horrible deaths in various creative ways. They are all in caps, and they are long. It had shaken many, and I was fortunate to learn about them before it happened to me. So, block, delete, restrict, and move on. Sadly, it also means we can't connect with genuine readers that way.

But of course, I still love writing. Even though the process of getting readers is hard and filled with these despicable people, the writing itself remains great for me as long as I stick to my motivation, which I plan to do. (I can't write erotica to get sales because I don't know how!)

That's all, folks. I just feel the need to rant after those ugly Goodreads spams.

Since it's a long rant, here are puppies' pictures to make it up.  These are puppies we met this week. It's still a problem here, but we try to do what we can.

Black Hole Radio (Ann Birdgenaw)

 

I read the Black Hole Radio series out of order, with the first book being the last. Although it didn't really impact my reading experience, I wish I had read this one first.

This book is funny, with a good background story that starts it all, including the real-life beep beep beep experience. It has adventures, an exciting alien world, super abilities, cool races, celebrations, and also an idealistic view of the world. I don't know about others; I've always wanted to explore the space since I was a kid, so I can see kids around the characters' ages enjoying this piece.

Besides some very brief, touching character moments, the two main characters are interchangeable; they are very similar without a stand-out personality. Although it's meant to be funny and light-hearted, I had to cringe about how they make fun of the bad guy's appearance. It's a bit over-the-top villain equals ugly in a very literal way, although, to be fair, they make fun of everyone's appearance. Well, they are in a strange world, and they are kids; it's probably understandable, but it doesn't make them likable much.

But other than that, it's a good children's book adventure. Very imaginative, high-spirited, fast-paced, and fun.

4 cosmo-nerds out of 5 blubber-sniffs

Hearts at War (Christa Nonnemaker)

A simple and sometimes cliché' love story before, during, and after World War II. The story stretches from the characters' childhood until they return from the war.

I like to read about many aspects behind the actual war, and it must have been a lot of work to research them. WWII's impact is felt everywhere, even by the generations born after that. My grandparents had a lot of tales about it, some of the most inspiring and terrifying ones.

The book centres around two characters' relationship, the war, and racism in many forms. I like that the author explores the variety of them, the three primary forms that still exist today: associations, colours, and genocide. What is sad about reading historical books or historical fiction for me is we have learned very little, have we?

In my opinion, the book can be tightened up a lot; there are a lot of unnecessary actions, explanations, and repeated information, like a small synopsis of things that happen only a few pages or a few chapters back. The dialogues feel clunky at times, almost indistinguishable between characters, as their personalities feel very similar, especially the parade of the main characters' friends. The exchanges also use 'names' all the time. I'm sure most readers can follow fine about who is talking because it feels weird reading 'Betty asked X this, Betty gestures, X replied, Betty was glad X did something, said Betty, X sighed, and so on'. It feels very stiff. The book seems to have two writing styles because when it's not dialogues, it flows better with using pronouns instead of names all the time. Sometimes, they are detailed descriptions of feelings and surroundings, while others are just unclear perceived expositions.

Having said that, overall, it's a slow and nice read. It's not boring as I learn many things and relate them to tales I know. The love story is heartwarming, and the title is very fitting.

4 out of 5

Newhope (Ed Morawski)

I didn’t know what to expect when I first read this book, wary that it would be overly religious from the blurb.

The book starts strong, we are thrust right into action, and it’s easy to read. There is a murder in what seems like a peaceful small town where crime is unheard of and everything is meticulously orderly. At least that was what I was prepared for a few chapters, then something, a very weirdly worded proposal, threw me off.

I will try to keep this vague and brief, but warning not to read ahead if we want to experience this book fully.

There are times when I thought the book ventures around the territory of Louis Lowry (The Giver), which I am not a fan of. Fortunately, it has a much more satisfactory conclusion, and the journey to get there is both fascinating and weird in a good way. I didn’t expect the span of the period, the way characters come and go, and what I thought would be a repetitive circle turns out to be different. I like how it’s built up, the mystery behind everything, and how the story is told. Even though I don’t have answers to all my questions, and there are some questionable things, they don’t interfere with the reading experience. I would say that there is realism, despite how unlikely, in the tale. The diversity and religion touches are not over the top, yet the author is daring enough. Jewel is something very realistic in our current world as a unification metaphor. It may or may not last long.

Overall, this is an unusual read, but I really enjoy the creativity and everything that is put together until the last page.

5 stars

BOO

Edit: I thought I had published this, but apparently it stayed in Draft. Oh well.

I met a long-time friend last week, driving all the way to the airport early in the morning so that I could catch up with her for two hours. She was in town, in transit for an article's job in a magazine.

I don't have many friends, and I have less the older I get because most time, I'd rather be alone than hanging out with those with different frequencies. But those who remain are the ones I would make a good effort with to share time and vice versa. She has been my friend for 28 years. We stayed in the same university hostel but kept in touch after we graduated and moved on with our lives. (My concept of keeping in touch is something along the lines of some WhatsApp messages every once in a while, mostly weeks or months, but every time we catch up, we click as if no time was lost.

Around perhaps seven years ago, we met in similar circumstances when she dropped by in town. But unlike our usual light chatters, she shared about things that terrified me. She tried to talk about it casually, but the horror was real to me. Her husband had raised his hand at her during the presence of her kid, and worse, chased after her when she left her house, caught up, and broke the car's window, but fortunately, she managed to reach her parents' neighbourhood, and the noise attracted a lot of people. All for unfounded jealousy about work and career (they met in the same company). I didn't know then that her household situation was that bad. She got married much later in life. I had met her husband once, who seemed like a nice person, and their stories were beautiful and unique.

I tried to be there for her, but I implied my stance that she should get out. Everything she told me was a red flag, and I can't imagine sharing a home with someone that you don't feel safe to be with. From a financial point of view, she was the breadwinner, so she really didn't have reasons to stay. She was working on infrequent projects because she tried to de-escalate some jealousy about the provider's status in her home while she could actually hold a high-paying job. Not only did he pull her back and didn't really contribute to the household, he threatened her and their child and physically attacked her. But after agreeing (strongly) with my take, she went quiet, and when we were in touch again, she said they were trying to patch up things instead of separating.

I was not in her shoes. Some people stayed, arguably, for the sake of the child; some had their reasons, and it's very common out there that DA usually involves a partner who changes their behaviour after incidents with sorry and promises. Changes, unforeseeable future, and perceived stigma can be terrifying. It's extremely hard that I couldn't do much. We stay far away, so I can only make myself available any time she needs me. She hardly wants to touch on the subject again, but every time she does, I try to be supportive and never judgmental, which, honestly, is not easy, but I don't want to push her away. From what I know, they are doing okay. He didn't go to that level again, but their relationship was broken; they were merely two adults staying together with a kid, and she was still almost the sole breadwinner.

I would never think that this could happen to her. She is strong, smart, independent, and someone with very strong principles about people she wants to hang out with. If she didn't tell me, I would never know. People could struggle without showing it; desperations could be hidden behind smiles. Picture-perfect and happy lives can hide a lot of things we don't know. And these stories are way too common. They shouldn't.

It's Halloween, everyone. I don't celebrate it, but some of you do. I hope the horror in your lives is only something along with the spooky costumes and decorations. Please seek help and support if you need to. And please take care.

                                                                                                                                                                    

RIP Laptop

Two weeks ago, there was a blackout in my area. I thought nothing of it, even though it was quite unusual. The power was back after one and a half hours and went off again. Finally, in the afternoon, the power was up, and I put on my computer to catch up with things I should have done. Not too long after it was on, the screen went black.

My laptop was old in today’s standard. It was almost ten years old and had gone through a lot of life preservations. I had changed the screen after I endured the grain-sized dead pixel that grew as big as a ping pong ball, which was troublesome, but I held on until all it showed was lines; the screen was dead. The hinges had become uncontrollable, and I changed that too, and the adaptor went off, so I bought a second hand. Everytime I had to carry it around, I’d treat it like a big, square egg. Family members were asked to stay away from it, and I had it stationed at home so I didn’t risk carrying it around. I knew the time was near, but I liked the laptop; it allowed me to do many things and had been with me for a long time.

After waiting for the diagnosis for a long, agonizing week, it was declared unsavable. The VGA was dead, that even if I disabled it, the voltage wasn’t enough to function. It would cost a lot without a guarantee of a better time ahead. Most likely, the power cut had fried it because it only relied on power as the battery had lost its function, which was another thing I needed to replace if I had wanted to minimize the risk in the future.

It was not a good time to acquire a new laptop, but I was left with no other choice. Since I practically hadn’t held a new gadget for a long time (my phone is almost eight now), it was eye-opening for me. Everything comes preset, but not to the user’s advantage in terms of privacy. It was scary for me to open Word for the first time, and it said that the document was automatically saved in the cloud. What? I know it’s a common practice now and call me old-fashioned, but I don’t need that, I don’t want that, and I don’t trust that, especially in Terminator era. Local is fine! I had to exercise various way to prevent it. I also had to disable and took off permissions of many other things. It took me hours because I was not familiar with the new settings. Basically, everything is allowed. It reminds me of those pre-approved insurance or pre-subscribed stuff that you have to go through the extra length to get rid of instead off signing up voluntarily.

Maybe you are not as paranoid as me, but be careful all. It’s not paranoid if they are out to get you! Hehe.

Awakening the Other Way (Marcel Eschauzier)

 

Reading this book feels like I am sitting opposite a relative I haven’t met for a long time and trapped in a circle of conversation that I try so hard to understand. At some point, I nod my head in agreement. At others, I can’t really digest the concept and keep throwing my glance at the door, looking for an escape.

I am a mood reader; I need to be in a reading mood/situation to get started, but once I’m in, it depends on the book to keep me there. Unfortunately, I have to admit that it takes me so long and so many tries to finish this book.

Personally, it feels like I am given a long preach, complicated mixtures of words and their meanings that I didn’t realize I needed because it doesn’t really impact how I live my life or my own philosophy.

The author is undoubtedly knowledgeable, but there are many bold claims that I’m not sure how he gets the conclusion, and there are many doubts about things that I didn’t know needed to be doubted. We are talking about the physical world that doesn’t cause our existence, the color of blue, whether the trees make sounds, which comes first, physical brain or consciousness, or how we cannot know reality─at all! And more. Who determines these claims, and which concepts are wrong or right?

The way the book flows is also a bit all over the place for me. The author mentioned it near the end of the book about similar feedback, and yes, I feel the same. I also find the fictional dialogues with real people cringe and questionable.

To sum it all up, the book is not for me. I struggled but finished it, but I can’t say I learned much from it. However, I respect the author for putting something he believes in with so much effort. Maybe I am not enlightened, and perhaps this is just not my cup of tea, so don’t take my word for it. I would take some good reasoning out of it, just like how I adapt to other philosophies, beliefs, or theories, and leave the rest.

3 out of 5 stars