Trial Run (S. Lynn Helton)

 

Trial Run is an entertaining, well-written, and fast-paced story centred around the main character’s journey to get admitted to an underground organization. It is the last test before she becomes an official member.

I enjoyed the reading, but mostly because I had read the first book, I knew some of the characters, I knew the organization, I knew bits and pieces of the world, and I knew the continuation of the story to a certain extent.

However, if I had read this book first, something would have been lacking. I suppose this serves as a reader magnet to the main book as a supplemental story. It doesn’t work that well as a stand-alone because it feels unfinished and incomplete. Readers don’t know much about Power until almost three-quarters of the book, and it comes up quite abruptly. Although it is mentioned that this is a sellsword/thieves’ organization, it is more sympathetic in the following book. Here, although it says that it preys on ‘greedy merchants,’ all I think about is the poor vendor who probably stayed up late until night pressing fruits, stirring the jam so he could have a few bottles for display and a fisherman who worked hard battling the sea. They don’t sound like greedy merchants to me, and although I know it’s not something I should focus on at all, I find it hard to root for the main character if I only read this book. There are several unexplained things, not even a clue about who the main character is, what her past is, and what this magical power is. It tells one thing only: the test and how she obtains it. It’s a cut part of a circle, not a smaller circle within a circle.

The ending was abrupt; it acts more like a piece of a side tale and, as said, a reader magnet that should probably be part of the main story instead of a separate book or remain exclusively as a reader magnet. But this could be a teaser for readers to get glimpses of the world, well-built characters, and good storytelling.

3.5 rounded up.

Wish You a Gentle One

 

Every year, I take the same picture, with the same dog, with the same small Christmas tree and decorations. As usual, he just rolls his eyes, gets bored, and sleeps. Me, bored? No. I wish I could do this next year, the next, and the next…

This is my last post for this year. 2023 has been a good year for me. In book sales? No! Haha! You, funny, you. I just want to say as long as my loved ones are still with me, it is a good year. Everything else is a bonus.

The holiday season is usually associated with happiness, festivity, and reunions, but for some, the holiday season is the worst and saddest time of the year for many reasons. I wish you all the strength, support, and motivation to go on and that you always find something meaningful and a purpose. We never know the struggles behind everyone, so I hope everyone can be decent to others. And when you are in the queue, irritated by the crowd and frustrated by the slow processing of lines, trying to get your Christmas or regular shopping, remember the retail staff have to hear those jiggling songs in repeats probably for months, and they are probably hours since their last toilet break.

Be safe! Thank you for being here, always.

I’ll be back bugging you next year.

PUPPY

 PETS ARE NOT SEASONAL GIFTS

A couple of years ago, we were at the end of our morning beach walk, and instead of walking on the sand, we made a detour to the paving area to avoid a stray friend. We didn’t expect to meet a lot of strays that day, and our food had run out. (Feeding strays is unpredictable; we never know who will show up). But not to take the risk, we took the detour instead of meeting that regular fur boy in that area empty-handed.

They say that sometimes things are meant to be. 

Even though I had walked the area hundreds of times, before today, I had never ventured to the pavement nearby because I disliked the noises; there were vehicles, more people, and dustier, too.

As we were near the destination, something caught my eye. Between the parked motorcycles, a tiny puppy was sitting alone. Usually, puppies are playful, but this one was just there, looking at us. I walked closer to observe, and on his neck, there was plastic rope, usually used for tying stuff. Normally, my dog Locky would greet strays, but this time, he stayed put.

 

I took her picture, thinking to ask around if the owner was nearby. Just as I wondered why this puppy was there alone, dangerously sat among the vehicles, almost invisible because of its size, the puppy stood up and walked, and a trail of dark, thick, red blood came out of her end. It was a lot of blood, and she moved to a clean area and sat there again.

Locky was restless and tried to walk in the opposite direction. Obviously, the puppy was really unwell, but no one seemed to acknowledge her. I was panicking, too. I was not in the position to help this dog in terms of finances and availability. I really didn’t know what to do, but this dog didn’t ask for anything. While I was stressed out, she just sat there and looked at me with her very understanding eyes. A million worries went through my head, but how could I walk away?

I had to make a decision. I scooped the puppy up carefully; she weighed nothing, and we walked to the car, which was fortunately nearby. I had a plastic shoe box, and she fitted in nicely. Locky sat in the back. I tried to keep them apart and wiped my hands (although the puppy was clean even after the blood discharge). I had a suspicion about her condition, and this could be really bad.

 

 

I was unfamiliar with vets in the area, but luckily, I had heard about the animal hospital before. It was not too far. I explained the situation to the receptionist and was asked to sign a form.

“What is the name of the dog?”

“I don’t know. It’s not mine…” The sad realization hit me as the receptionist said I needed to register something for administration purposes; the poor puppy didn’t even have a name. She became Puppy. While waiting, Puppy suddenly seemed bright and okay. She sat up, wagged her tail, and exchanged friendly gestures with Locky; all the while, she was well-behaved, calm, stayed obediently in the box, and never made a peep.

 

The vet suspected Puppy had Parvovirus. Here, the mortality rate was above 95%, and judging from blood discharge, which I explained as best I could, it was not an early stage. We needed to take a costly test to ensure that was what she had, and yes, Puppy had that deadly virus.

On the examination table, Puppy was back to her early stage, barely moving and just staring with her big, understanding eyes. The vet explained that her chance was really bad and suggested putting her down. There was no cure for Parvo; all she could do was help with hydration and nutrition, and the dog had to fight it herself. But her chance was really low because she was in a malnourished condition, and it must have been days or weeks since she got the virus.

 

 

You would think you only feel for something when you know them. I didn’t know Puppy, but I was devastated, especially when the vet really leaned on putting her down. Things could get worse; the chance of survival was almost zero, and as she put it, the alternative would be very costly.

Against the advice, I thought Puppy deserved a chance to try. We checked her for an overnight stay in the hospital, and we had to say goodbye. Puppy had to be quarantined and separated from other dogs with no chance to visit, so we left with a promise from the vet that she would be well taken care of. I was sprayed with something for precaution, and even though Locky had been vaccinated against this virus, they suggested he take some immune boost supplements for two weeks with close monitoring of his health.

 

 

It was an anxious day, and I must have been terrorizing the hospital, constantly asking for updates. 

Unfortunately, around ten o’clock that night, they informed me that Puppy had lost the battle.

 

 

Puppy was an unlucky dog with a bad human as her owner. She was not even wearing a proper collar; they tied a plastic rope on her neck just like they tied groceries or trash. Most likely, the owner didn’t know or bother about vaccinations. Parvo is deadly but preventable. And worse, when she was sick, she was thrown away like garbage, left alone out there to die by herself. It's heartbreaking to think she might have been waiting there in the parking area for the owner to come back for her.

Unfortunately, here and in many places in the world, there are always abandoned dogs like Puppy. They probably started their days happy, hugged by their family, cherished as Christmas or holiday presents. But when the reality kicks in that dogs are not toys, they need maintenance, medical care, training, they can be noisy and smelly, they grow up and don’t stay as small and cute as the puppy version, kids are no longer happy with them, they get sick, and there they go to the bin, probably just like how these people treat their stuff. There is a special place in hell or whatever corner for these monsters.

I knew almost every stray around that area. They were generally healthy and vaccinated from the collective efforts of strangers. Some were bare and some wore collars we put on them to increase their safety (kidnappers for dog meat, yes, they exist), not dangerous plastic rope around their neck.

Puppy was not a stray. Puppy was abandoned by her despicable, dumbass, heartless owner. Puppy was left to death when she was found to be sick.

Pets are not seasonal gifts; they are not entertainment or temporary companions during lockdown to be abandoned after that. They are lifetime commitments.

.

Sorry for the long post. 

I still see the trend every holiday season, people gifting them without feasible long-term plan, thinking pets are short-term entertainment and property.

As long as these monsters exist, there will be a Puppy somewhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Free Gift

One day, an unknown teacher walked into our class. She introduced herself, saying that she would be the substitute teacher for a few months because our math teacher had personal issues that he needed to be away for a while.

Our Math teacher was fun; most of us enjoyed his class, so it was a bummer. However, we were not mean students; we just went with it. It was obvious to me that this teacher, Miss Sarah, was motivated. She was young, and although she didn’t have the charm of our teacher and her classes were dry, she tried. She encouraged us with our tasks, and she was friendly and helpful.

One day, she told us that we had an upcoming big test, and she wouldn’t be here the next semester since she was only a substitute. This test was important because it was about everything she taught us. With that, she announced that she had special gifts for students who got full marks on this test.

I would bury this story if I suck at Math, but not to brag (of course, it means I am bragging); I was always good at Math; it was my favorite subject. I forgot about this because it was a while before we finally took the test. So, after the test, Miss Sarah happily announced that she had two winners, a classmate and me. She gave us a small box with a red ribbon each. I was a stoic kid and didn’t have many expressions except the standard thank you, which I feel bad about now, but Miss Sarah was very excited; she said many good things and congratulated us. I am grateful my friend had better expressions and responses to match that. After that, she was gone.

I opened the box at home to find a golden, expensive fountain pen. I recognized the tip because I saw my father used this type of pen before. Gold was not my color, but it was nice and classy. However, I didn’t know how to use that or had any access to ink. At that time, I didn’t have anyone to ask. My dad worked overseas, and my mom was busy every day I barely saw her.

The day after, a few classmates asked us about the prizes, to which my friend scoffed, “It is a useless pen, because it doesn’t have ink!” It was followed by more questions and confirmations, and those who asked took the same stance and mocked the prize.

I told them it was a fountain pen; the ink came separately, but it didn’t help. I admit it was probably not a suitable gift for fourth graders; even ordinary pens were something we barely used; we used pencils for almost everything. Even though we had the resources to fill it, we were not sophisticated enough to use it.

However, I cherished the gift; it was probably the first time I received something new for myself. I kept that pen for years, and every time I looked at it, I felt terrible about how enthusiastic Miss Sarah was and how she tried for us, only to be mocked by my friend (fortunately not in front of her) and to see my stoic face. I hoped she continued to be passionate about what she was doing.

 

I don’t like to send out newsletters too often, just in case it clogs your email, and I know it’s annoying. I want to drop by and am happy to announce my new book, All Ora: The Boiling Point, is live on Amazon. Thank you so much for your support. 

 

My first book, In Ora: The Land of the Superior, will be free on 1st December 2023, but I don’t know what time zone Amazon uses. 

It remains a mystery for me because I could never, ever, publish my books on the dates I want. I try to match my time zone with Amazon’s and use the small window to get the same date. I wish to publish it on 29th November for various reasons. And guess what? I traveled back in time! 

My submission date was correct, the 29th, but the book’s publication date was recorded as the 28th. (How? Am I actually a time traveler? Why am I doing this? I should check the winning lottery number and return to yesterday to buy it! So much for a fourth-grader math champion!)

Thank you!

 

Ordinary Life Is Underrated

 

Riding or driving in Bali is tricky. Bali is very diverse; you can find multilane roads with big intersections or hidden roads between paddy fields. Almost all of those are acknowledged by Google Maps, Waze, or paper maps (which is why it’s tricky).

If you are riding, things are simpler; you can stop almost anywhere to renavigate if you are lost or go around small roads and alleys that barely fit a human. But if you are driving, good luck; GPS can pinpoint you to streets that are not fitting for the car. Not fitting as in the function (it is meant for motorbike but the maps insist you go on it even though your vehicle setting is correct), the size (a buffer of barely half a meter on both sides is not fun, especially those sides have open drains), the directional allocation (road suddenly turns into one way only or motorbike only without clear signs or signs covered by trees, broken, or shadows from your past), and yeah, sudden road closures (Balinese have many religious ceremonies and festivals all year long and road closures are not uncommon).

Anyway, it was probably 2015. I didn’t have Google Maps on my phone. All I had was a book map. Yes, I had to look at everything manually and count the number of intersections, memorize street names, and estimate distances, and the book map was a luxury! Better and compass, sun and stars, obviously. I usually wrote important landmarks and blu-tacked the instructions on my bike, a few lines like Turn left at Procrastination Avenue, Turn Right at WhatAmIDoingHere Road, and make a 270-degree spin at LimpNoodle Tower. It was not easy, but I managed to go places.

So that day, I was riding my motorcycle, ready with my direction in a very confusing area. The roads were small but busy, with vehicles parked on the sides. There are sharp turns and steep roads, with many tourists, cars, bikes, local pedestrians, chickens, cats, and dogs going around.

I was confused. I had lost my bearing, but I had to go with the flow and made last-minute decisions every time there were turns and intersections based on gut feelings since referring back to the map didn’t help; the actual roads didn’t correspond with the map. It was a hot day, I was tired and frustrated, and it was later in the afternoon. It would get exponentially harder to get out of this town the later it was. I went through that area a few times and started memorizing the landmarks to get the hang of which one was going where. However, since it was busy, hectic, and chaotic, I made a wrong turn, and here I was, going against the traffic on a one-way street.

The traffic was crawling, so I was not in danger of hitting anyone, and everything was so scattered and messy. I was not alone; a few also went against the traffic, which made it more confusing. I didn’t know if others did it accidentally or purposely (it was not uncommon practice to go against traffic for convenience, unfortunately). Luckily, there were traffic cops who tried to fix it.

But traffic cops! I would get into trouble, and I really didn’t need it, but the cops had seen me. My brain went weird, and instead of turning and riding away, I was so done with the situation. I rode straight to the cops, maintaining eye contact, and stopped right before one. I saw a line of motorists getting into trouble. Lifting my dusty helmet, I asked them, “Mister Policeman (I don’t know how to translate it, but it’s along that line), can you help me with the direction to (town name)? I am confused about the directions.”

The policeman sighed and groaned audibly, “You have to go this way, then turn that, this, that. Take the second exit of the wImbecileSquirrel roundabout, turn diagonally into ImpostorSyndrome lane, and from there, you will see the ToiletPaperDirectionDebate statue and continue straight. And by the way, this is a one-way street; you have to turn around.” He mumbled to himself about the umpteenth time it happened and, most likely, idiots who didn’t know how to look at the compass and stars.

I thanked him and rode in the direction he gave me, which thankfully got me out of the Bermuda Triangle.

In my experience, Balinese polices are generally nice and fair. As long as you have proper documents and proper vehicle/attributes, they don’t look for trouble. Even though Bali has a lot of tricky roads, and it’s not easy to maintain a smooth traffic flow, they try. Of course, it’s a personal experience. I didn’t look local, I was not a tourist, but I speak their language. Unlike ‘fun’ tourists who ride in bikinis without helmets, I dressed like locals. I was sneaky, but I was genuinely lost.

There you have it. I am not sorry it’s not a motorcycle chase or parkour or exciting situation. I have some of those stories from my past, but mostly, I am happy just to be an ordinary human with an ordinary life. Batman seems fun, but I just want a peaceful life. Ordinary life is underrated.

So, all those ramblings lead me to say Happy Thanksgiving, all. I don’t celebrate that holiday, but I like the concept of being thankful. There is always something, regardless of how small. You can breathe properly? Be thankful. Have coins for that vending machine? Socks without holes? Not being chased by a serial killer? Bag of groceries? Fresh linen? Running water? Be thankful. I’d love to have 44 billion to prove that I can do better things with that than certain someone, but I think the key to happiness is not looking up but looking around. Forty-four billion is our luxury, but our ordinary lives can be other’s luxury.

 

 

An Unofficial Guide to NYPD Blue (Gene Kendall)

 

I am a fan of the BBC Sherlock TV series, and there was a time when I devoured everything about it. From behind-the-screen production book, an almost-all-pictures casebook, to a book written by a fan to analyze the show. There is certainly a market for this, as I am pretty sure ImdB itself is not enough for devoted fans.

This book is a gigantic, detailed review of the show. I remember when NYPD Blue first became available where I lived (far later than its original airing), but it was one of the shows that was quite a trendsetter, and even though I was not a regular fan or follower, I would sit and watch when it came to the screen.

So, although I am not familiar with most of the episodes (and it has been a long time), I enjoy reading how a show evolves and the challenge of keeping it fresh and interesting. I guess it's more enjoyable because I have similar frustration with the author about many things in the entertainment industry, like forced/unnecessary romance and unrealistic 'everyone is gorgeous' trope.

This is the first time I try an audiobook. While I can imagine it would be more lively for other books with dialogues and actions, instead of all narrations, the narrator does a good job in conveying the author's opinion and frustration for the show (too bad there is too little of them, imho). I can practically hear the eye-rolling.

If you are a fan of NYPD Blue, this is a good read. But even if you are not, it's interesting to read about the long-running show because some of the challenges and problems certainly apply to other shows you like.

Dream Job Rant

 

Have you ever liked a quote and then realized it's not the best advice? (I know, quotes are not advices)

I used to like ''Do what you love, and you will never work another day in your life.'' While it sounds great, it's the fastest way to ruin what you love.

I love animals, so naturally, living in an urban jungle back then, I thought my dream job was working in the zoo. It was a world-class zoo with a sparkling reputation. I was fortunate to get a job there with little experience back then, although my skill was somewhat related. I wasn't involved directly with the animals, but it opened up my chance to interact with them. I could walk around the zoo, being paid for that, enjoy the green environment, and look at the animals any day. It was also a private jogging space for staff every morning, which no one else took up but me. Knowing the right people allowed me to cuddle with baby otters, lions, and tigers, looked at the back of the house, and learned many things about them. It was great.

However, working in the field you love also means learning about the industry secrets. There were many things I would rather not know, and there were utterly heartbreaking things. Just like everything else, there are always factors like business, greediness, unethical practices, reputation masks, incompetence, and ignorance, to name a few. I didn't work with only one company, but more than one zoo in more than one country, so I'm quite certain those factors are exclusive to one place. There are things that I still love, but there are reasons why I quit.

Same thing with writing. I thought the concept was simple enough, even though I knew there would be tremendous challenges. We write, then try to find readers. It's not easy, but it should be straightforward, right? It's like a direct line from producer to consumer regarding self-publishing. Traditional publishing is slightly different, and I'm happy for those who have the chance to try it in places that provide many opportunities to do so. I wish I had those chances, too.

I didn't know that the writing world is also filled with opportunists who prey on struggling independent authors. I mean, we are the smallest of the small fish! One of our biggest challenges is marketing, which is a fertile ground for scammers or those with questionable motivations. Hybrid and vanity publishers; there are legit ones, but there are many scammers behind those companies, too. I didn't sign up with any because I couldn't afford them, but I remember how much I wanted to, thinking they would help me tremendously with their services. But yeah, as I learned by reading about others' experiences, you need to fork out tons of money without getting much help back in return or any at all. Some authors ended up doing everything else by themselves.

And then there are review scammers; they mostly prey on authors who advertise their particulars through websites like Goodreads requesting reviews, and from what I heard, the books are then misused. There are advertisers and advertiser consultants. I tried this because they seem very legit, and maybe they are, because I did get some knowledge from classes they conduct about other things. The advertising itself, nah. I am too skeptical now with things that require advertisers to pay by click because there are people who are hired or bots to do the clicks. My ads got clicks, and I had to pay for those, but I believe only a small percentage of them were genuine, and none of them resulted in anything.

Then there are harassers. I am still trying to understand the motives behind the all-caps questions on the author's profiles. Many in my Goodreads group experienced this; fortunately, we could compare notes. But imagine if one didn't have a clue and read those posts, thinking they are personalized; they can easily crush your spirit because the contents are horrible. The harassers could be bots or some nasty, imbecile squirrels with nothing better to do (nothing against squirrels). They come from multiple accounts, all set in private, without any history of doing anything relevant to Goodreads or anything at all. No books, no reviews, private profiles; they exist mainly for this purpose, and they respawn. What are the things they write? They are so mind-boggling, especially if you don't know what they are and think the messages are directed at you, from calling you a flat wallet writer that is too poor to exist, forcing you to pay them to get their reviews or else, saying your work sucks, threatening about ruining your life, cursing you and your family to go and die horrible deaths in various creative ways. They are all in caps, and they are long. It had shaken many, and I was fortunate to learn about them before it happened to me. So, block, delete, restrict, and move on. Sadly, it also means we can't connect with genuine readers that way.

But of course, I still love writing. Even though the process of getting readers is hard and filled with these despicable people, the writing itself remains great for me as long as I stick to my motivation, which I plan to do. (I can't write erotica to get sales because I don't know how!)

That's all, folks. I just feel the need to rant after those ugly Goodreads spams.

Since it's a long rant, here are puppies' pictures to make it up.  These are puppies we met this week. It's still a problem here, but we try to do what we can.

Black Hole Radio (Ann Birdgenaw)

 

I read the Black Hole Radio series out of order, with the first book being the last. Although it didn't really impact my reading experience, I wish I had read this one first.

This book is funny, with a good background story that starts it all, including the real-life beep beep beep experience. It has adventures, an exciting alien world, super abilities, cool races, celebrations, and also an idealistic view of the world. I don't know about others; I've always wanted to explore the space since I was a kid, so I can see kids around the characters' ages enjoying this piece.

Besides some very brief, touching character moments, the two main characters are interchangeable; they are very similar without a stand-out personality. Although it's meant to be funny and light-hearted, I had to cringe about how they make fun of the bad guy's appearance. It's a bit over-the-top villain equals ugly in a very literal way, although, to be fair, they make fun of everyone's appearance. Well, they are in a strange world, and they are kids; it's probably understandable, but it doesn't make them likable much.

But other than that, it's a good children's book adventure. Very imaginative, high-spirited, fast-paced, and fun.

4 cosmo-nerds out of 5 blubber-sniffs

Hearts at War (Christa Nonnemaker)

A simple and sometimes cliché' love story before, during, and after World War II. The story stretches from the characters' childhood until they return from the war.

I like to read about many aspects behind the actual war, and it must have been a lot of work to research them. WWII's impact is felt everywhere, even by the generations born after that. My grandparents had a lot of tales about it, some of the most inspiring and terrifying ones.

The book centres around two characters' relationship, the war, and racism in many forms. I like that the author explores the variety of them, the three primary forms that still exist today: associations, colours, and genocide. What is sad about reading historical books or historical fiction for me is we have learned very little, have we?

In my opinion, the book can be tightened up a lot; there are a lot of unnecessary actions, explanations, and repeated information, like a small synopsis of things that happen only a few pages or a few chapters back. The dialogues feel clunky at times, almost indistinguishable between characters, as their personalities feel very similar, especially the parade of the main characters' friends. The exchanges also use 'names' all the time. I'm sure most readers can follow fine about who is talking because it feels weird reading 'Betty asked X this, Betty gestures, X replied, Betty was glad X did something, said Betty, X sighed, and so on'. It feels very stiff. The book seems to have two writing styles because when it's not dialogues, it flows better with using pronouns instead of names all the time. Sometimes, they are detailed descriptions of feelings and surroundings, while others are just unclear perceived expositions.

Having said that, overall, it's a slow and nice read. It's not boring as I learn many things and relate them to tales I know. The love story is heartwarming, and the title is very fitting.

4 out of 5

Newhope (Ed Morawski)

I didn’t know what to expect when I first read this book, wary that it would be overly religious from the blurb.

The book starts strong, we are thrust right into action, and it’s easy to read. There is a murder in what seems like a peaceful small town where crime is unheard of and everything is meticulously orderly. At least that was what I was prepared for a few chapters, then something, a very weirdly worded proposal, threw me off.

I will try to keep this vague and brief, but warning not to read ahead if we want to experience this book fully.

There are times when I thought the book ventures around the territory of Louis Lowry (The Giver), which I am not a fan of. Fortunately, it has a much more satisfactory conclusion, and the journey to get there is both fascinating and weird in a good way. I didn’t expect the span of the period, the way characters come and go, and what I thought would be a repetitive circle turns out to be different. I like how it’s built up, the mystery behind everything, and how the story is told. Even though I don’t have answers to all my questions, and there are some questionable things, they don’t interfere with the reading experience. I would say that there is realism, despite how unlikely, in the tale. The diversity and religion touches are not over the top, yet the author is daring enough. Jewel is something very realistic in our current world as a unification metaphor. It may or may not last long.

Overall, this is an unusual read, but I really enjoy the creativity and everything that is put together until the last page.

5 stars

BOO

Edit: I thought I had published this, but apparently it stayed in Draft. Oh well.

I met a long-time friend last week, driving all the way to the airport early in the morning so that I could catch up with her for two hours. She was in town, in transit for an article's job in a magazine.

I don't have many friends, and I have less the older I get because most time, I'd rather be alone than hanging out with those with different frequencies. But those who remain are the ones I would make a good effort with to share time and vice versa. She has been my friend for 28 years. We stayed in the same university hostel but kept in touch after we graduated and moved on with our lives. (My concept of keeping in touch is something along the lines of some WhatsApp messages every once in a while, mostly weeks or months, but every time we catch up, we click as if no time was lost.

Around perhaps seven years ago, we met in similar circumstances when she dropped by in town. But unlike our usual light chatters, she shared about things that terrified me. She tried to talk about it casually, but the horror was real to me. Her husband had raised his hand at her during the presence of her kid, and worse, chased after her when she left her house, caught up, and broke the car's window, but fortunately, she managed to reach her parents' neighbourhood, and the noise attracted a lot of people. All for unfounded jealousy about work and career (they met in the same company). I didn't know then that her household situation was that bad. She got married much later in life. I had met her husband once, who seemed like a nice person, and their stories were beautiful and unique.

I tried to be there for her, but I implied my stance that she should get out. Everything she told me was a red flag, and I can't imagine sharing a home with someone that you don't feel safe to be with. From a financial point of view, she was the breadwinner, so she really didn't have reasons to stay. She was working on infrequent projects because she tried to de-escalate some jealousy about the provider's status in her home while she could actually hold a high-paying job. Not only did he pull her back and didn't really contribute to the household, he threatened her and their child and physically attacked her. But after agreeing (strongly) with my take, she went quiet, and when we were in touch again, she said they were trying to patch up things instead of separating.

I was not in her shoes. Some people stayed, arguably, for the sake of the child; some had their reasons, and it's very common out there that DA usually involves a partner who changes their behaviour after incidents with sorry and promises. Changes, unforeseeable future, and perceived stigma can be terrifying. It's extremely hard that I couldn't do much. We stay far away, so I can only make myself available any time she needs me. She hardly wants to touch on the subject again, but every time she does, I try to be supportive and never judgmental, which, honestly, is not easy, but I don't want to push her away. From what I know, they are doing okay. He didn't go to that level again, but their relationship was broken; they were merely two adults staying together with a kid, and she was still almost the sole breadwinner.

I would never think that this could happen to her. She is strong, smart, independent, and someone with very strong principles about people she wants to hang out with. If she didn't tell me, I would never know. People could struggle without showing it; desperations could be hidden behind smiles. Picture-perfect and happy lives can hide a lot of things we don't know. And these stories are way too common. They shouldn't.

It's Halloween, everyone. I don't celebrate it, but some of you do. I hope the horror in your lives is only something along with the spooky costumes and decorations. Please seek help and support if you need to. And please take care.

                                                                                                                                                                    

RIP Laptop

Two weeks ago, there was a blackout in my area. I thought nothing of it, even though it was quite unusual. The power was back after one and a half hours and went off again. Finally, in the afternoon, the power was up, and I put on my computer to catch up with things I should have done. Not too long after it was on, the screen went black.

My laptop was old in today’s standard. It was almost ten years old and had gone through a lot of life preservations. I had changed the screen after I endured the grain-sized dead pixel that grew as big as a ping pong ball, which was troublesome, but I held on until all it showed was lines; the screen was dead. The hinges had become uncontrollable, and I changed that too, and the adaptor went off, so I bought a second hand. Everytime I had to carry it around, I’d treat it like a big, square egg. Family members were asked to stay away from it, and I had it stationed at home so I didn’t risk carrying it around. I knew the time was near, but I liked the laptop; it allowed me to do many things and had been with me for a long time.

After waiting for the diagnosis for a long, agonizing week, it was declared unsavable. The VGA was dead, that even if I disabled it, the voltage wasn’t enough to function. It would cost a lot without a guarantee of a better time ahead. Most likely, the power cut had fried it because it only relied on power as the battery had lost its function, which was another thing I needed to replace if I had wanted to minimize the risk in the future.

It was not a good time to acquire a new laptop, but I was left with no other choice. Since I practically hadn’t held a new gadget for a long time (my phone is almost eight now), it was eye-opening for me. Everything comes preset, but not to the user’s advantage in terms of privacy. It was scary for me to open Word for the first time, and it said that the document was automatically saved in the cloud. What? I know it’s a common practice now and call me old-fashioned, but I don’t need that, I don’t want that, and I don’t trust that, especially in Terminator era. Local is fine! I had to exercise various way to prevent it. I also had to disable and took off permissions of many other things. It took me hours because I was not familiar with the new settings. Basically, everything is allowed. It reminds me of those pre-approved insurance or pre-subscribed stuff that you have to go through the extra length to get rid of instead off signing up voluntarily.

Maybe you are not as paranoid as me, but be careful all. It’s not paranoid if they are out to get you! Hehe.

Awakening the Other Way (Marcel Eschauzier)

 

Reading this book feels like I am sitting opposite a relative I haven’t met for a long time and trapped in a circle of conversation that I try so hard to understand. At some point, I nod my head in agreement. At others, I can’t really digest the concept and keep throwing my glance at the door, looking for an escape.

I am a mood reader; I need to be in a reading mood/situation to get started, but once I’m in, it depends on the book to keep me there. Unfortunately, I have to admit that it takes me so long and so many tries to finish this book.

Personally, it feels like I am given a long preach, complicated mixtures of words and their meanings that I didn’t realize I needed because it doesn’t really impact how I live my life or my own philosophy.

The author is undoubtedly knowledgeable, but there are many bold claims that I’m not sure how he gets the conclusion, and there are many doubts about things that I didn’t know needed to be doubted. We are talking about the physical world that doesn’t cause our existence, the color of blue, whether the trees make sounds, which comes first, physical brain or consciousness, or how we cannot know reality─at all! And more. Who determines these claims, and which concepts are wrong or right?

The way the book flows is also a bit all over the place for me. The author mentioned it near the end of the book about similar feedback, and yes, I feel the same. I also find the fictional dialogues with real people cringe and questionable.

To sum it all up, the book is not for me. I struggled but finished it, but I can’t say I learned much from it. However, I respect the author for putting something he believes in with so much effort. Maybe I am not enlightened, and perhaps this is just not my cup of tea, so don’t take my word for it. I would take some good reasoning out of it, just like how I adapt to other philosophies, beliefs, or theories, and leave the rest.

3 out of 5 stars

Research Then and Now

I remember scouring a musty library to search for a book two decades ago. One book, because that was the only reliable source available. I took a two-hours bus from my uni and reached the library ten minutes before three o’clock. They denied my entry because three o’clock was closing time.

I didn’t have another day because it was the earliest I could escape from my lectures, so I begged for kindness from the sadistic, grinning librarian to let me in for just that ten minutes. She eventually agreed and told me the register would be closed at three sharp. (Yeah, I get that I am the one wrong here for my inability to reach earlier, but you should see the satisfied widest grin she had while I was catching my breath after running from the bus stop and climbing three flights of stairs).

I was a top sprinter in uni, and oh, trust me I really sprinted (as quiet as possible, of course), and tried to squint at the row of books. There was some library coding that would help, but not with the time frame I had. So yeah, I didn’t get the book or only had another chance to go back to the library very close to my paper’s deadline.

So, despite being driven mad by modern technology sometimes, I like it; I need it. The need is not the fun part, as I have seen people from the older generation struggle to keep up, as in some places we are required to install a plethora of apps in order to keep up with society, but that is the rant for another day.

Because of technology, knowledge is practically within reach. If we want to know about something, learn something, or engage in educative discussions, it’s easier than ever now. In fact, it’s so easy that it’s difficult to differentiate which information is fake, so we need to take it with more than a grain of salt to research something, but if you are critical enough, they are out there.

By looking at someone’s browsing history, I think it wouldn’t be hard to draw a good number of conclusions about that said person unless it’s the browsing history for writers or curious people who love to read about random knowledge. What kind of drug is suitable to paralyze someone but not kill them? What kind of stab wound looks convincingly fatal but gives the protagonist a chance to escape? What kind of fictional biomedical advancement is believable? Is cryonics a scam or an opportunity? Etc etc.

It would be fun when someone looks at that browser history and tries to create a profile.

Just a random thought, after I realize the number of tabs I had about stab wounds the other day. Nothing to see here.

The Age of Discovery: The Travels and Adventures of Marco Polo Throughout China and the Mongol Empire, Volume I (Joe Lee Roger)

I think this is the most entertaining history book I have ever read. The book follows the journey of Marco Polo, but instead of boring recalling of the trips, it includes fun snippets, exciting information about the culture of places he visited, how he viewed them, and the precious, here and there—a little bit, not too much—author's commentaries that are both funny and sarcastic. The comparison of the modern-day in the language at that time at the end of the book is also a gem. 

 The journey went along places/cultures that I know a little bit of history of, or quite familiar with the modern setting, or some tales were so bizarre that I did a little reading about them here and there. I googled what argali looks like, and I read about Dragoian Pidie. In my little hometown, there was a famous TV series told from the point of view of conquered Genghis Khan's area. I didn't know its history, significance, and accuracy until I was older, thinking it was just some entertaining tale, so it was fun to read it from things beyond my knowledge from an explorer's observation. 

I can't help but imagine myself doing that, going somewhere blindly, unsure about who and what you are going to encounter; after all, there are no social media, Google, or digital maps to guide you. I am old enough to experience navigating by asking, looking at natural landmarks, and using paper maps and ancient compasses. Still, I knew what to expect with little chance of meeting cannibal tribes, spouses for rent, or unknown 'supernatural' natural phenomena. 

Overall, it was a great read. Plus point, I am also pleased that Marco Polo sort of confirmed my lifelong suspicion that rhinoceros are fat unicorns. 

 5 100% alfresco priests out of 5 goriest research field trips.

Black Mirror and Real Life (Why These Are My Top Five Episodes)

Black Mirror used to be one of my favorite TV series. It goes down a lot after season four, but it's still better than most of the other shows out there. I am a sucker for realistic future scenarios, and as scary as it is, many 'fictional' scenarios in Black Mirror have come true all around the world, but that will be the topic for another day. Today, I want to list my favorite episodes based on how they affected me the first time I saw them. Many of them might be off of others' popular lists, but I have my reasons.

I don't watch Black Mirror for the technology and what-ifs alone but for the implication to our lives. With everything that is invented to make our life easier, it comes with consequences as well. It has always been this way, just like smartphones in our pocket; most of us can't live without them now, but it also takes away some meaningful interactions, quality time, privacy etc. I used to remember every phone number and do every calculation by head, now I barely remember mine. We invented plastics, which help us in everyday tasks, from simple necessities like carrying a bucket of water to holding up our valuables, and now we are dealing with microplastic and out-of-control waste management. This is now, what about the future? We continuously invent new things and technology. Most start with good intentions, just like road to hell. Black Mirror is based on this concept. To me, it's a very intriguing and thought-provoking series. If you are into this kind of story, check it out. And while it's mild, spoiler alert ahead.

Top Five Black Mirror episodes:

5. Black Museum

The creative collective stories in this episode sell it for me. I like the first and second stories a lot. As someone who is quite stoic, I was 'advised' to have more empathy sometimes. My problem besides not being the best person to express sympathy and compassion, there are also too many fake problems escalated to gain genuine compassion. Sometimes I see through them, and sometimes that is just me, standing there blinking while for the umpteenth time, my colleague bawled in front of me. Why did she have so many drama in her life? Why so many broken love stories? Why so many evil people out to get her? It's either she was very good in exaggerating things or she was the most unfortunate victim in everything. Generally, I'd try to help with solutions while the other parties need listening ears more, they don't really need my advice, but my face and ears. Why they think I am capable of doing that is anyone's guess. So lack of empathy is what they diagnosed me with.

So, what if you can be empathetic in a very literal way? That is the idea of the first story in Black Museum.

Most married couples would testify that it takes quite a lot to live together with another person. Sometimes the way you breathe can be wrong too, not to mention the order of the towel and how you arrange the grocery. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Now imagine someone living in your head.

What about immortality? One of the most popular wishes out there. Think about it. Living forever is cool, especially if you are not getting older. For me, I'd prefer to be a Highlander, when I can go around enjoying life and when I get bored, I can ask for a fellow Highlander to just chop off my head.

4. Nosedive

I am not popular, I am not a sucker, and I don't know how to please people to save my life. Ask my late grandma about why I was her least favorite grandchild (true story) and my 'co-boss' about how he tried to sack me as long as I was in the company. The bottom line is if life is based on rating, and rating is obtained by how people view you, I am doomed. Doom. Dead.

That is why this episode is intriguing to me, and it's getting even more intriguing because it's happening in China right now. This is one of the lighter episodes and garners much hate, as far as I know. It's very predictable, and I am so very thankful that it is still in fiction territory for now, or is it? We may not be in China capacity yet, but we are certainly swimming in social media and rating pool right now everywhere we go.

3. Fifteen Millions Merit

One thing that Black Mirror is good at is putting the characters in a maddening and mundane situation, to name a few: White Christmas, Black Museum, and White Bear. Fifteen Million Merit is one of them. Can you imagine that we have to pay to turn off advertisements in our lives? Wait, that already happens. Until now, viewers speculate about this episode about what it is trying to portray. Is it a prison, office, or entertainment industry? My answer is YES. The reality sucks. But back when Black Mirror was new, the first episode left my jaw open, and this is the second. I was convinced that this series might be a keeper.

2. Be Right Back

It's a dread most of us live with every day, including me; losing loved ones. Why are we so vulnerable? I fail to answer these questions. Love comes with a big consequence, and grief is something that increases exponentially the more you love. Because of that, as far as we live, I'd say we continue trying to find ways to solve this. Be Right Back addresses this. What if we are able to recreate someone's existence from their social media presence? This has happened in real life using our current technology. Someone did this with their AI grandma for heartbreaking reasons.

For me, I barely have social media existence. There is nothing to gain, but for many others, especially those who are born into this current world, they advertise their lives out there. But are they real? Are they really represent what they really are?

The episode is clunky and could be better, but it lingers in my mind long after I watched it.

1. Beyond the Sea

Recency bias. To me, Beyond the Sea feels like a classic Black Mirror episode—a combination of a heartfelt story, futuristic technology, good characters and plots.

Beyond the Sea tells us a tale of two astronauts on duty in space. Both of them are given a physical replica that functions like themselves, something like an avatar. They can visit their lives back on earth when they are off duty from the space task. I can't speak for others, but this sounds like a dream job to me. With basically only a few hours work or less every day, you can enjoy the magnificent space and see your family, and interact with them daily? It's better than what I have now!

However, things are not always rosy, and although I have some nitpicks, the story and the ending got me. It's quite a slow burn, sometimes feels predictable, the kind of story that you think you have seen before. But sometimes, that is all you need. With the crazy direction that season 6 ends up going, this is definitely what I need.

I know, most likely, this is not on your list. Many choose San Junipero, The Entire History of You, White Christmas, USS Callister, Shut Up and Dance. They are great episodes, and I could promote them with some persuasion, but I also have reasons for not thinking my list is terrible. And if you disagree, I have news for you. I seriously consider the weirdest Black Mirror episode 'Metalhead' my top five. When I watched it, my first reaction was WTF? But it grows on me, and I now have a serious soft spot for it.

That's all for today!